The inevitability of biology: Heart scans and more tests

This week I had my 7th and penultimate chemo, and I'm now at home over a lovely sunny bank holiday weekend, recovering and trying to rest. My aunt Siobhan came down from Tunbridge Wells to join me in the hospital and she treated me to a relaxing hand and foot massage when we got back to the flat afterwards. I felt thoroughly pampered! It was so lovely to have a natter with her and catch up. An unexpected positive side effect of chemo. The other, not-so-positive side effects are kicking in now and I'm being gentle with myself, giving myself time to get well again. It's hard sometimes to look out of the window at the blue skies, hear the carefree laughter of passers by enjoying their summer long weekend, and not feel a little cheated by it all. But I know that this too shall pass, and I will have the opportunity to enjoy sunny long weekends again in the future. In the meantime I should rest, relax, heal and not be too hard on myself.

Since moving onto the new drug regime (which I've had for the last 3 rounds) I've been experiencing some heart palpitations which intensify about a week after treatment. I mentioned this to my oncologist on Monday so he has referred me to a cardio-oncologist to get my heart looked at. Although I have a Heart Echo test every 3 months to check that the Herceptin isn't having too strong an effect on my heart; as the nurse said at my last test, 'that's the plumbing, not the electrics'! So on Thursday morning I went back to St Bart's to have a 24-hour heart monitor attached. This consisted of three large circular patches, stuck to my chest and either side of my ribcage, which were each attached to some wires which then fed into a little box which clipped to my waistband. I had to wear it for 24 hours underneath my clothes and carry on as usual. I then popped back on Friday morning to take the kit back. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it!) I didn't experience any major palpitations while I was wearing the kit. So we'll see what the results are. I have to head back into hospital on Tuesday afternoon for two different kinds of heart tests and to see the cardio-oncologist to assess the results. Once again, it's wonderful that the NHS are being so thorough at making sure I am okay: I feel as though I'm in safe hands.

Wearing my heart monitor

Today is quite a significant date, as it's exactly 6 months since Tanai and I were in a doctor's room and first heard the words 'you have a breast cancer'. I feel as though it's a milestone. Psychologically, perhaps in an attempt to contain what I'm going through, I have been thinking of this whole thing as 'pressing the pause button on life for a year'. I know it's much more complicated than that, but I want to ensure I don't feel bad about 'opting out' of things for a year while I go through treatment. It may take longer than a year, but at the moment that's how I'm looking at it. And I'm on track. So today is the half-way mark. From now on, I'm nearer to recovery than I am to diagnosis, and that feels good.

Only one more chemo to go! I know that a couple of months ago I never thought I'd get to this stage, so I feel very happy about this.