Headscarf wrapping workshop

One of the most well-known side-effects of chemotherapy is the loss of hair. This happens because the chemo drugs attack rapidly-dividing cells in the body (fast-growing cells). Their primary target is the fast-growing cancer cells, but the 'collateral damage' effect means that other, healthy fast-growing cells also get attacked. Hair follicles are some of the fastest-growing cells in the body, so these are often some of the first to go. This is also the reason why my nails are getting brittle and weak. I prepared for hairloss early on, shopping for fabric on Berwick street with friends, and as soon as my hair showed signs of falling out, I took over, shaving my hair off completely rather than waiting for it to fall out gradually.

Since then I've been experimenting with different headscarves, watching various youtube videos and trying out different styles. I've had some wonderful friends send me vintage scarves, lend me their own collection, and my talented friend Bree even sent me one of her own handpainted scarves, with a beautiful floral design. Many of the videos are by Muslim or Jewish women, who are exploring creative ways of covering their hair for religious or cultural reasons, and some of my favourites are by African beauty bloggers, as I love the way they incorporate volume on the top of their heads, making the final effect quite large and impressive. I feel as though this makes me look less as though I am 'ill' and more like I'm making a fashion statement. Now I know that no-one can ever accuse me of being fashionable in any way, but I may as well try to at least be a little stylish while I'm spending the next few months as a baldy, rather than looking like the washerwoman of yore.

Some of my previous attempts

More experimenting

Keen to expand my headscarf-tying repertoire, on Saturday I went along to a headscarf workshop at Hello Love in Bloomsbury. Hello Love is a delightful new shop on Southampton Row, which only opened seven weeks ago, and is run by the Hello Beautiful Foundation, set up by a woman who had breast cancer, with the aim of providing women with complementary therapies and nutrition information to help them while going through treatment. I've been following them on instagram after a friend sent me their link, but this was my first trip to their dojo, and I immediately loved the space and the fabulous things they have for sale. They had invited Sandra from Knots UK to run the scarf workshop, and she greeted me with a big smile when I arrived, complimenting me on the scarf I was already wearing. My friend Taey came along too as she wanted to know how to tie scarves herself, and we tried a few different styles.

This is the 'before' photo!

I love this front twist style

New ways of tying my square scarves

Not sure about this one, it's a bit 'minnie mouse' on me

Stacking some serious height

Taey and I with our fabulous teacher

Taey looking beautiful

Mastering a simple but lovely wrap style

Mid-instruction

Strutting our scarves on the streets

Sandra is from Miami, Florida, with a Nigerian heritage, and much of the fabric she sells is from Africa, with fabulous bright prints. It's a great size for doing a whole range of styles. I got some Marimekko fabric sent over from Australia recently and I think I will hem it to exactly this size as it's perfect. 

I still like some of the youtube videos I've found, but I definitely got some new styles out of the day, and Taey got plenty of inspiration too! And I came away with a fabulous new red scarf, which is just my colour. 

The afternoon was a lot of fun, and I passed another milestone too, it was the first time I'd been out in public completely bald. Although I wore my pink scarf to the workshop, I had to take it off (of course) in order to try out new styles with different scarves. At first I was a little nervous as I've never been bald in public before, but no-one batted an eyelid, even though the shop is in the middle of busy Holborn with floor-to-ceiling glass at the front. It emboldened me and I also went bald the next day when I cycled to the Tate to see the David Hockney exhibition. I popped into the bathrooms where there was a busy queue, whipped off my helmet and cloth cap liner in front of everyone and nonchalantly wrapped on my scarf. 

Who cares? So I'm bald, so what? But this is actually quite strange for so many people. I've met women who have honestly and genuinely stated that losing their hair was more traumatic for them than losing their breast, or getting their diagnosis in the first place. This absolutely astounds me, and I think it all stems from the pressure society places on women to look 'beautiful' and the attachment people place on their hair as part of their image and identities. I mean, I get that it can be upsetting to some people to suddenly lose all their hair, and being bald isn't necessarily the best look in the world, but it's just bloody hair, it will grow back! And it's saving me so much time in the mornings when I shower and get ready. And you know what, I like my face, and being bald isn't making my face any less awesome, in fact, it's obscuring it less than my hair did, and making me appreciate and love it more. 

I did get a wig, as they are provided to you by the NHS if you want them. But as soon as I put it on, I knew it was not for me. I just feel so incredibly self-conscious, and aware that I'm wearing fake hair. And everyone else will know. And as one of my friends said, it ages me by about 20 years!

Be-wigged

It's likely I will be bald until early 2018, so I may as well rock the headscarf look. And I can have such fun with so many different fabrics and styles. I think I will even continue to wear scarves occasionally once my hair grows back, especially when it's sunny and I want to protect my scalp, or on days when I can't be bothered washing my hair.

Cheers to that!