Health update

Today I had my regular visit to the oncologist before next Wednesday's chemo, which is round #3. This is primarily to check in about how it all went last time and make sure I'm okay to keep going. My oncologist, Dr S___, was not there today so I saw someone else from her team, Dr H___, a male oncologist. He was very friendly and helpful. First of all I had to describe how things went last time and how I was feeling. I explained that I'm doing really well, very few major side effects, and I've got good energy levels at the moment and have been cycling into work this week. I did mention that I'd found it quite hard in the week following treatment but I'm feeling more prepared for the next round.

He then gave me a physical examination to see how the lump in my breast was faring. After the first chemo I noticed that it had become particularly hard and was very prominent, but after the second one it had softened again. Over the last few days I mentioned to Tanai that I was having problems locating it, and that I suspected it had been getting smaller. However, I hadn't wanted to get too excited about it. Well Dr H___ agreed with me, it was definitely smaller. His professional estimation is that it has shrunk to half the size, and is now only 1.5cm! This is great news. Of course we won't know for sure until the scan after 2 more rounds of chemo, but this has definitely made me feel better about going in for round #3 next week. I feel as though I'm not on a treadmill, but I'm actually making some progress, and that even though the chemo makes me feel absolutely shit, at least I can see now that it's actually working.

Also, he had my CT scan results. I had the scan almost a month ago, but because of the recent virus infecting the NHS' computers, they could not access the results before today. Happily, the scans are all clear, so the cancer has not spread to my lungs, ovaries or other organs. This is definitely reason to celebrate.

Yesterday my friend Jana drove us both to IKEA to pick up some things for our homes. She needed some new shelves and I wanted to buy loads of plants and plantpots, and create a lovely indoor garden in our flat. We are still living in a relatively bare apartment as my furniture is on its way from Australia on a ship, but I wanted to have some greenery around me as I'm spending so much more time at home than I usually do, and I thought it would make me feel healthier and happier. I have missed being out in the countryside (I usually do a lot of weekend hiking but my energy levels are not allowing that at the moment), so I thought I'd bring some greenery inside. I'm very pleased with my first steps at building an indoor garden, and I'm inviting people to bring us clippings of their own plants to add to it! It all started with some lovely plants from Caroline, Elizabeth and Kim, and now I'm expanding my collection. Let's hope I have at least some of my grandma's green fingers.

My plant haul

Celebrating today's results with some champers!

Once again, while the NHS is taking very good care of my physical health, I'm having to look after my mental health myself. I truly believe that this is such an important part of my treatment and recovery, and both the physical and the psychological go hand in hand. I have been trying to do a small amount of yoga practice each day (when I have enough energy) and 20 minutes of mindfulness meditation. This is so important in helping me to focus, to sleep, and to ensure I retain some clarity with all these new thoughts running through my head. Last weekend I read a book called 'Post-Traumatic Growth', which is about ensuring that trauma brings about positivity in one's life. It examined the key elements of post-traumatic stress and then outlined some frameworks and mechanisms for dealing with going through a traumatic time, and remaining resilient and strong, and coming out of it with more wisdom, grace and learnings, and ultimately with positivity rather than PTSD. I have also been ensuring that I go for long walks when I have the energy (long walks are so good for my mental health!) and practicing gratitude: really considering the good things in my life and the things for which I'm grateful.

Tanai and I laugh a lot, there is so much to find funny in this world, and last weekend we had a long chat about the holidays we'd like to have after my treatment is finished, and our dreams for the future. It really feels good to have some things to look forward to and focus on during treatment. It reminds me of one of my favourite Walt Whitman poems:

No turning back! O youth, a weary road
Spreads out before you! Hidden grief lurks there,
And burning fires of vice lie smouldering there,
And disappointment's clutching fangs wait there;
But far ahead, up in the height of heaven,
Glitters a star. O, let thy constant gaze
Be fixed upon that star; step not away,
But gazing on the brightness of the guide,
Press forward to the end and falter not!

Cx