General update

My last round of chemo, the fourth round, was on Thursday 1 August, and it coincided with my third Zometa infusion, which I have every 6 months to protect my bones. Unfortunately it seems that the side effects compounded each other and I had 5 days of feel wretched and incredibly nauseous. For most of the weekend afterwards I couldn't really make it out of bed, the fatigue was immense. It really knocked me back. For this reason, and because I've had so many delays this time, I was dreading chemo 5 this week. First of all, I could tell that my bloods wouldn't be good enough, so I'd be pushed back another week. And I was dreading how I'd feel, and how long the side effects were going to last. Chemo is cumulative, after all, so it stands to reason that you feel worse each round.

So on Thursday I went to my regular pre-chemo oncology appointment, but this time I was prepared for a tough conversation. When Dr M____ asked me how I was, I explained that, while I'm certainly feeling much better physically than I did when going through chemo in 2017, I've been struggling with the impact it's having on my life, and therefore my mental health is taking a battering. I have tried to avoid putting my life on hold this time, but when my chemo keeps getting delayed, it's incredibly hard to plan things. We had a good conversation about it, and we have decided to stop chemo altogether. I was so relieved I got a bit teary! There is no evidence that suggests that 6 rounds would be more effective than 4, and the cancer I had was so tiny that it's highly unlikely there are any rogue cells remaining. And if there are, 2 more rounds are not going to do anything to them if the 4 I've had already haven't nuked them! Let's face it, this chemo was elective, and my first dose was double that of the subsequent doses. As it turns out, my bloods weren't good enough anyway (platelets were only 75), so I'd have been delayed, as I predicted. But I'm so pleased we've made this decision and I don't have to go through carboplatin again.

I now have to have a CT scan (standard after a course of chemo) and I will see the oncologist again in 6 weeks' time. Then I will have a check-up every 3 months, with a CA-125 blood test (for signs of ovarian cancer) for 2 years, after which it will become every 6 months, and then every year, until I hit the magic 5-year mark.

So now I have to concentrate on getting myself stronger and fitter in preparation for my mastectomy. I have a mammogram and an MRI in October, and then I should be seeing my breast surgeon some time in November to get the results and to plan for surgery. I'm hoping that can be sometime soon in the new year. There's still quite a lot ahead but I feel as though I've passed another milestone in my treatment.

Celebrating another milestone with St John's donuts

In other news, I've been accepted as a volunteer counsellor for Breast Cancer Care, as part of their Someone Like Me programme. This is where women who are newly diagnosed can be paired with someone who has been in a similar situation, and have a series of phone calls. Before I can do this, I have to go through a training programme, and then I am mentored for my first few calls, before I'm a fully fledged counsellor. It's a voluntary position for a minimum of 3 years. I'm really looking forward to doing this. It's so important for me to 'give back' in a meaningful way, and help others going through what I've gone through.

I've also recently been seeing a new counsellor myself, through my GP, and I'm having a much better experience this time than I did with the psychotherapy team at Bart's. I see her every Thursday morning for an hour, and we've talked about so much. She has really helped me to think about things in a different way, and pursue lines of enquiry that I'm finding really helpful. I have 4 more sessions left, so hopefully that will feel like enough.

For those of you who don't follow me on instagram, I've also finished my post-treatment craft project: a baby blanket for a good friend who gave birth to a little girl a month ago. I crocheted when I was confined to my couch after both my surgeries, during chemo, and as I've been recovering each round at home. I'm so proud of the result!

The finished blanket!