Testing, testing...

This afternoon I went back to St Bart's for an MRI scan. This is a very interesting scan where you are placed in a kind of huge tube and they take detailed images of the inside of your body using strong magnetic fields and radio waves. It's all very sci-fi.

First I had to take all my clothes off and get gowned up. You have to take anything metal off, as it could react badly with the strong magnetic fields, but I could keep in my titanium belly button ring because titanium is not magnetic. It's so ridiculous, I got my belly button pierced at a music festival when I was about 16, and I've never taken it out since then! And it's not as though I go around wearing crop-tops and hip-height jeans any more. But I have just never bothered to take it out. Oh well, it can stay in for at least a while longer, an ode to Teenage Indie-kid Carmel.

A very friendly nurse put in a cannula, which I was not expecting, as they planned to feed some dye into my veins so that certain tissues and blood vessels show up more clearly. Apparently, because I am young, my breast tissue is quite dense, so MRIs show things more clearly than ultrasounds. I was pretty rubbish when the cannula went in. I mean, I'm pretty rubbish in general, I'm so squeamish! I can't even watch medical dramas on TV, they make me feel nauseous, and I'm terrible at visiting people in hospitals. I almost fainted today when the nurse put a vial of saline through the cannula to test it. He had to fan me with his clipboard! Ha ha. What will I be like if I have to have months of full-on treatment? Rubbish, that's what I will be like. Anyway, one step at a time.

So then I went to the MRI room. I had to lie on my front and put my boobs through two holes in the bed so they hung down. If you haven't had an MRI they are kind of weird. They don't hurt, and if you're not claustrophobic (which I'm not) they are totally fine, but they are incredibly loud, and make hard, repetitive noises kind of like really shit house music. So you have to lie there, in an enclosed space, enduring these weird loud noises, and after each cycle the nurses call over the tannoy (they are in the next room, operating the machine (and even the dye in my veins!) remotely. They were so lovely, checking in with me to see if I was okay, and telling me when we only had one round to go. I just closed my eyes, tried to breathe without moving too much, and attempted to make songs from the beats I was hearing.

So only two more sleeps and then we find out what the hell this is and what the plan is to beat it. I'm feeling resigned, calm and prepared. Whatever it is, bring it on, and I'll fight this thing!