My surgery went really well. Here's a little update on it all.
Marked up with sharpies for surgery
So I went in on 3 December and was put under anaesthetic around midday, and woke up around 3pm. I had far fewer tubes and wires than last time, just a cannula in the inside of my left elbow for the anaesthetic and pain relief, and two drains coming out of either side of my torso just underneath where my breasts had been, held in place with stitches. I was quite woozy from the anaesthetic but felt great, and so relieved to have them removed at last. I have felt as though I had two ticking time bombs on my chest for the last few months! I managed some dinner on the ward and they let Tanai stay with me until quite late. The nurses were all totally wonderful and checked my blood pressure and temperature regularly through the night. I had my own room but still didn't manage to get any sleep! I think the adrenaline was pumping and I actually felt quite nervous so my body kept waking me back up every time I dozed off. Every time I wanted to go to the toilet I had to carry these two drain bottles with me, and it was all quite awkward, but I managed it.
Very woozy post-surgery dinner
One of my drains on the floor by my bed, draining from my body.
The next morning I was visited by various people, including the two surgeons who had removed my breasts. I hadn't realised but there was one surgeon on either side! I am quite intrigued as to which side was done by my amazing surgeon and which by her registrar, but I guess I'll never know. Both sides look great, really neat and tidy, so both of them did a fantastic job. I have no stitches either: they used glue. And I have been feeling remarkably pain-free, I've only taken a few paracetamol in the couple of weeks since my surgery. A nurse removed my drains under the supervision of a more senior nurse, watched by a student nurse. I had some lunch and then I was discharged. Home less than 24 hours after waking up from surgery, how incredible.
Just before my drains were removed. The boobless wonder!
Since then I have been mainly resting on the sofa, trying to do little walks each day and doing my physio exercises a few times a day. My range of motion is not bad, but I can't lift my arms too high, and I'm not supposed to be lifting anything heavier than a small glass of water. Tanai couldn't be away from work too long (this is my third surgery of the year after all!) so I've had a roster of amazing friends coming over to make me lunch each day, which has been lovely. I've started getting back into my studying, in anticipation of all the essays I have to complete next year, and I've been listening to lots of podcasts. I have bought a giant U-shaped pregnancy pillow which is really helping me to sleep well. And we are being very careful about infection risk, washing bedding, towels and PJs every day.
The amazing pillow
One of the inevitabilities after surgery is a seroma. This is a gathering of fluid near the surgery site, which the drains would have drained away. Over the last couple of weeks I developed two seroma, right where my breasts had been. They looked like cute little a/b-cup boobs! But they were sloshy and uncomfortable, so when I saw my surgeon today she drained the liquid out of them, leaving me flat again. There was 90ml in the right one, and 150ml in the left one! Apparently I will probably need to go in a couple more times before my body learns to reabsorb the liquid itself. I feel much better now and it was quite emotional saying goodbye to Miss L_____. She was the one back in February 2017 who first told me I had breast cancer. What a rollercoaster it's been since then. And today we said goodbye, shook hands, and with a little bit of luck, that's the last of it.
Of course I still have various follow-up appointments, including one in January with my ovarian oncologist, but officially I'm now part of the 'open access follow-up' programme, which means I have to just contact them if anything feels strange and they'll see me. Given that there is very little left in my body for the cancer to grow in, I'm hoping that I don't have to go back in.
It really feels like a huge milestone, the end of a particularly challenging chapter of my life, and the beginning of a new one. I am marking this change in a number of other ways. We have given notice on our flat here in Clerkenwell, and we will move out in March. It's been lovely living here for 3 years and I was so incredibly lucky to live close to St Bartholomew's Hospital, one of the best cancer hospitals in the country, for my treatment. It's also been a gorgeous, sun-filled space to recover and convalesce. But for various reasons we've decided to move in the new year, partly to get somewhere cheaper and with more space, and partly to move out of central London and to somewhere a bit more 'local' and leafy. It's time to move on.
As you know, I continued to work all through my treatment, even through both my bouts of chemo, which, looking back on it all, was incredible. It was good for my mental health at first, but this year my mental health took quite a battering, and unfortunately work was contributing to a lot of that stress and negativity. So I took the astonishing decision to quit my job and go freelance! Perhaps a little rash, but cancer definitely makes you realise how important it is to feel happy and fulfilled in your career, especially given how much time we spend at work. I have been giving myself a little rest for the last few weeks, but in January I will start up with my own consultancy. I'm just getting my website ready now. And fingers crossed I will quickly find some paying work and make a go of it. I'm very excited about this development and I'm confident it will work out well. I've always wanted to be my own boss.
And finally, perhaps trivially (although it doesn't feel that trivial), I have realised that I will need a whole new wardrobe, and a whole new look. My body shape is completely different now. I am slender and flat on top, and due to my ovarian cancer surgery, I have permanent swelling in my lower torso, so all the lovely fitted 50s-style frocks I used to rock, just won't look right any more. I'm actually really enjoying wearing old t-shirts that my breasts used to distort, and I've even picked up a pair of Whistles trousers from a charity shop which I love. I've not owned a pair of trousers for years! I'm going to operate a 'one in, one out' policy, and only purchase new clothes when I've raised enough money from selling my old ones. I have so many lovely frocks, so I plan to ebay them all in the new year. I will also donate some of the money to Breast Cancer Now, who have been so amazing during my treatment.
Flattie with fish and chips
So there we go! The enormity of it all hasn't quite sunk in yet. But I'm looking forward to a relaxed Christmas up north and a very low-key new year. Bring on 2020 and all the regeneration it promises!
❤️
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