Ready for surgery

Tomorrow is my surgery date for my double mastectomy, so I thought I'd give you a summary of the build up and what I can expect. I saw my surgeon again a few weeks ago and we went through the final prep. It was quite funny actually because she had a student doctor with her and so was using me as a teaching tool. I've been naked in front of a gazillion people over the last three years and I don't have a shred of pride left, so I'm more than happy for someone to learn from my body and my experience. So I stripped off from the waist up and my surgeon asked the trainee 'so what can you tell about this lady before you've even examined her, just by looking?'. The poor girl didn't know where to look, and only glanced in my direction before offering a tentative, 'She has one breast bigger than the other?' My surgeon was not impressed. She pointed at my small radiotherapy tattoo, the one in the centre of my chest. 'What is this?' she asked the student doctor, who muttered that she didn't know. 'That's a radiotherapy tattoo. And if you look at the sides of her rib cage you will find two more. This tells you she's had radiotherapy. Can you tell where she has had radiotherapy? Can you see that her right breast is still red from the radiotherapy?' She then pointed at my scar from my first surgery, which the trainee had failed to notice (to be fair, it's pretty impressively neat and inconspicuous). 'And you can see from this that she's had breast surgery before. And if you look under her armpit you'll see the scar from where she's had lymph nodes removed. All of this you can see before you've even given her a physical examination.' The poor girl was by now red with embarrassment. Looks as though she has a lot to learn!

About a month ago, I had my follow-up appointment with the psychologist, to ensure I was cleared for surgery. We had a lovely chat and she sent a very detailed summary to my surgeon, saying 'I see no psychological reason why she would not be a good candidate for surgery'... and 'she explained that her breasts have not been a big part of her identity through life and mastectomy surgery would therefore not result in a significant change for her in terms of body image and identity'... and 'following my meeting with Carmel my impression is that she has made a considered and informed decision with regards to surgery and has the internal and external resources to help her adjust to this and associated body changes'. So there we are! I'm green lit to have my breasts removed and not have reconstruction.

I also had to have my bloods taken, and swabs of my mouth, nose and groin to check for MRSA.

At my pre-op prep appointment, the nurses gave me a bottle of Octenisan body wash, which is a hypoallergenic antiseptic wash, and instructed me to use it for a few days before and after surgery. This evening I washed my hair with it, as well as my body, and I have to wear clean pyjamas every day, and wash the bed sheets every day on a hot wash. I also have to brush and floss my teeth and use a new toothbrush every day for a few days. This is to reduce the chance of infection. I also had to remove my toenail polish and I am not allowed to use moisturiser or deoderant tomorrow. And I'm nil by mouth from midnight.

Last week we went on holiday to the Isle of Skye for a week, to visit my dear friend Jill who is over from Australia visiting her parents. Jill has been so supportive during my treatment and kept me amused during chemo with tales of her funny son, Billy. Well this week we got to spend a good amount of time hanging out with them both, and experiencing Billy's comedy first hand. It has been a magnificent, restful and restorative week and I'm feeling ready for tomorrow.

In the magic light on Skye

Today I had a few deliveries of things I'd ordered online, including a large U-shaped pregnancy pillow to help me sleep when my wounds are new, and a huge online food shop so that our cupboards are stocked up. I've also got two heart-shaped pillows from the volunteers at 'Jen's Friends' who sew these pillows which you hook over your shoulders and they prevent your arms from irritating your wounds. A few weeks ago we went to 'Cook' in Maida Vale, as my magnificent former colleagues in Australia had sent me some vouchers to spend. They make posh frozen meals basically, so our freezer is full of yummy 'homemade' food which should make the next few weeks easier. I have a rota of my friends here in London coming to make lunch for me for the next 2 weeks as Tanai needs to get back to work as soon as possible this week and I'm not allowed to lift anything for a few weeks. As this is my third surgery this year, he's pretty much used up his compassionate leave, (and some!). I'm so lucky to have such a fabulous, global network of friends helping support me through all of this.

So tomorrow I have to be at the hospital at 7am, and apparently I'm first on the list. Of course, I could always get bumped if there's an emergency, as mine is elective surgery, but hopefully it will all go smoothly as planned. I'll be in overnight and then home and glued to my sofa for a few weeks. I'm just packing my bags now and then I'll try to get an early night. We were hoping to get our Christmas tree up today but they didn't have any stands in the shop, so we'll have to do it at the weekend. This means Tanai will bear the brunt of the decorating responsibilities (and I'll have to direct them from the sofa).

I shall keep you posted on instagram as to my progress!